Sometimes, being the “leader of your tribe” isn’t good enough. You’ve got to be the leader of a tribe that other people want to be a part of. This means, quite simply, that your tribe needs to be cool.
A common mistake that guys make, when they study “pickup” and start improving their game, is that they continue to go out to meet girls along with the same guys they’ve been hanging out ever since their days as an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump).
The guy who now thinks he has some “game” enjoys being able to show off to his socially inept buddies. He feels good, knowing that he’s got some skills and can “show the other guys how it’s done.”
But when your buddies are socially awkward around women, don’t think that by hanging out with them, you’ll look cooler by comparison.
Women may perceive you as the Head Nerd of the bunch.
You won’t score any points this way.
You’ll notice that men with high social status don’t hang out with groups of guys who are dramatically lower than them on the Dominance Scale. A well-dressed Alpha Male at a nightclub will hang out with other Alphas (or with women). The guys he is with might not be as Alpha as he is, but you can tell they’re not slouches, either. They’ve got game.
You want women to recognize you as the coolest, most dominant guy among your group of cool friends. So, if you’re the type of guy who enjoys going out to bars and clubs with your male friends to meet women, you’ve got to be selective about who accompanies you.
From the female point of view, your friends are a direct reflection of you. If your “tribe” is well-dressed, confident, and radiates positive energy and you are obviously their leader then you’ll score tons of points with women even before they have the chance to meet you. You’re getting a serious leg up on the competition. (By the way, your “tribe” can mean one other guy, or a whole bunch of guys. I know that in my own case, being in my mid-30s, I have few single buddies. But whether you’re going out to socialize with one guy or six, they must represent you properly.)
Remember, women are watching to notice how you conduct yourself. They don’t want anything to do with the nervous-looking guy standing at the bar by himself, pressing his beer against his chest while he scans the room. But they’re always curious to meet the guy who is surrounded by cool-looking friends and having a great time with them.
One of the 10 Mack Commandments in my best-selling book Mack Tactics is, “wherever you’re at is the place to be.” This means when you go out to socialize, you bring the party. I’m not suggesting you get drunk and loud. Just make sure to always project the vibe that you, and whoever you’re with, are enjoying yourselves.
Remember, the other women in this environment are noticing you. I’m not just talking about bars or nightclubs. You could be alone at a diner eating breakfast and if you strike up a conversation with the waitress and get her laughing and chatting, it is going to be easier for you to approach that cutie who is sitting alone at a table.
When women see that you are a social, confident person who other people respond to positively, they will assume that you are a person of higher value.