Now I’ll lay out some different types of openers. I don’t suggest memorizing them word-for-word.

They are meant to illustrate how and why an effective opener works, and they’re going to be more effective if you “tailor” them a bit to suit your own personality and interests.

Women (and people in general) always appreciate a thoughtful compliment. Never tell a woman how beautiful she looks, or compliment her on a part of her body; single out a detail of her appearance that most guy wouldn’t notice.

Then pay a compliment, and transition into a conversation about shopping for a friend…

“I like that bracelet you’re wearing. Where did you get it, because my friend Amanda has a birthday coming up, and I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out the right gift for her…”

Or…

“That ________ is so cool, you have a really unique style. Let me ask you something real quick. My best friend John just got out of a long-term relationship and he wants me to help him update his look. It’s going to be a pretty big project. So if I take him shopping this weekend, where do you think we should start? New shoes? Jeans? What do you think is the most important thing if a guy is going to change up his look?”

This is a subject that virtually all women enjoy talking about, and if the girl you’re talking to is hot and stylishly dressed, then she probably considers herself an expert and can talk about this stuff all day.

Bonus line: After she gives you her answer, tell her, “You should have your own fashion makeover TV show. I’ll be your wingman. On every episode we’ll find some guy who’s an awful dresser and you’ll give him a fashion overhaul…(look around the room and point out some other guy)…we’ll start with him. What’s your advice for that guy?”

Or…

“I love that tattoo, where did you get it done? My friend Melissa keeps telling me she wants to get a tattoo, but I want to make sure she goes to someone who knows what they’re doing.”

You get the idea. This type of Opener works well for several reasons:

 

You are paying her an original compliment (you’re noticing a detail that most guys wouldn’t pick up on)

You are building in some Social Proof by mentioning that you have a friend. It’s important to slip in references to your friends; this communicates that you are part of a social network. Women especially take notice it when you mention other girls you hang out with; if the girl you’re talking to is feeling interest and attraction towards you, mentioning other girls is going to trigger her jealous and competitive female instincts. Just don’t talk about other girls you are dating, or ex-girlfriends. Mention your female friends.

These openers also work because you are asking her to share some knowledge with you. People, by nature, like having the opportunity to share their knowledge of things with other people. If someone walked up to you out of the blue, told you that your wrist watch or your tee-shirt is awesome, and asked you where you bought it, I’m sure you would be more than happy to tell them, right? It’s one of the easiest ways to start a conversation with a girl or a guy.

And yes, you’ll want to start conversations with guys, too remember what we discussed earlier about building your social networks. The really successful pickup artists don’t only hone in on females they know how to “work a room” and make alliances with other cool males.

Also, with this type of opener, you aren’t telegraphing your sexual interest. It sounds like you’re simply getting her opinion on something. There is no reason for her to raise up her “force field” and start thinking of reasons to Disqualify you which is what women will instinctually do, when a random guy invades their personal space and tries to “hit on” them.

There’s also no need to worry whether she has a boyfriend, or isn’t interested in having a conversation with you for reasons beyond your control. It doesn’t even matter if her boyfriend suddenly shows up (a concern many guys have), because again, you’re not hitting on her; you noticed something cool, paid her a compliment, and are getting some helpful advice from her. No harm there, right?

Remember what I said before about never asking permission to speak to a woman. (“Umm, excuse me, can I ask you something?”) This will immediately put her defenses on high alert. Her force field raises up! She wonders, “who is this person? What does he want to ask me? Why is he talking to me? He must want to hit on me”…etc.)

Asking permission puts you in a position of weakness. You’re allowing her to easily blow you off with a “No” or “sorry, I’m busy right now.” This ties into another one of the golden rules of talking to women: don’t ask them yes/no questions (also known as “closed ended” questions). Instead, asked them “open ended” questions that require more than a yes/no response and prompt them to think, talk, and share.

With an effective opener, you’ll go “under her radar” and engage her in a conversation before she ever starts thinking of reasons not to talk to you.