If you’re like most guys and the thought of “cold approaching” a hot girl causes you to feel some anxiety and dread, then you’ve got to reframe the way you view approaching women. In a sense, you’ve got to “reprogram” yourself. It’s not as difficult to do as you might think.

If you’ve ever practiced and committed yourself to get really good at doing something, you already understand how this works. In my own case, an example would be learning how to play the guitar.

It began with learning how to play basic chords. Then, the more advanced chords. At first, I didn’t have the finger strength and flexibility to cover the necessary frets. But in time, through practice, I was able to do so.

Then, as I began to get more comfortable on the guitar, I was able to improvise. I could jam along with people, and launch into solos no matter what song we were playing.

Whereas in the beginning, I was shy to play in front of anyone, after a year of solid practice I loved picking up a guitar at a party and jamming for people. I enjoyed the guitar instead of feeling intimidated by it.

Maybe in your case, it was learning how to speak a foreign language. (This is actually the perfect analogy for learning how to pick up women.) You started out by memorizing a few words and phrases. You didn’t understand how to structure a sentence and string words together. You didn’t know how to improvise and carry on an extended conversation; you could only ask simple questions, and give basic responses.

But as your language skills improved, you began to feel more comfortable conversing, and you could put words and phrases together to express yourself more fully. In time, you became fluent, and you enjoyed the opportunity to converse with someone in that language and show off your skills.

Whether it’s playing an instrument, learning to play a sport, or speaking another language, these are all things that require practice and dedication as well as receiving good instruction. At first, you might have gotten frustrated and attached negative feelings to that activity.

(“It’s too hard,” “I can’t get the hang of it,” “I’ll never be any good at this,” “I’m just not cut out for it,” etc.) But as you improved, you started to look forward to doing it every day. The emotions you associated with that activity changed dramatically from anxiety, to excitement.

If you’ve ever made the commitment to get into better physical shape, you’ll understand what I’m saying. At first, it can be very painful! But after a few months of dedicating yourself to a workout routine, whether it’s lifting weights, jogging, or any other form of strenuous activity, you began to feel lousy if you skipped your workout for a week (or even a couple of days).

You now associate that activity with pleasure. You miss the sensation of breaking a sweat and pushing yourself, as your brain releases endorphins.

Carlos Xuma uses roller coasters as an example of how two people can have a totally different emotional response to the same thing. Mention the words “roller coaster” to some people, and they feel a tingle of excitement. They associate roller coasters with a fun, thrilling ride.

An adrenaline rush! For others, roller coasters are the stuff of nightmares. They imagine the safety bar clamping down on them, locking them into a death-trap from which there is no escape…the unnerving clackety-clack as they ascend up the track…terror setting in, as it reaches the peak…and then sheer panic as the roller coaster starts rocketing downwards. This guy is praying that this ride will be over as soon as possible!

It’s amazing how two people can think of the same thing and experience totally different emotions. For one person, it triggers terrible thoughts of fear or pain; for the other person, it means something wonderful and exciting!

Once you learn effective approach techniques and start using them and experiencing success your attitude towards approaching will begin to change. Instead of thinking, “what should I say to her? What if she has a boyfriend? What if she totally blows me off and I humiliate myself?”, you will be making the approach because it’s a fun, pleasurable activity and you’ll know this could lead to some serious pleasure in the bed later on!