The more time you spend listening, the less chance you will say the wrong thing. Give a guy enough rope, and he’ll usually hang himself.

We can guarantee that you’ve done this at least once and not realized it: ruined a “sure thing” by saying something that suddenly cooled off a woman’s attraction to you.

We’ve heard a lot of women describe the following scenario: a guy introduces himself, and based on his appearance and the way he carries himself, she’s willing to give him a shot. At this point, he doesn’t need to be brilliantly funny, or mention his high-powered job, or charm her pants off.

She’s just hoping he can carry on a decent conversation and doesn’t give off any red flags.

He’s like a football team that’s ahead by two touchdowns with five minutes left in the game.

But in many cases, this guy will fumble the football and blow his lead. Most times he won’t even realize where he went wrong. He might have thought he was being witty, but to the woman he came off as self-centered, chauvinistic, or even perverted. There is sometimes a great divide between what men and women think is “clever conversation.”

Whenever you step to a woman and she is interested enough to engage in an extended conversation, you are a football team that is ahead in the fourth quarter. As you guide the conversation, you must protect your lead and avoid making boneheaded plays.

The following are some basic conversational “do’s” and “don’ts”:

Do humor her. If she’s talking about subjects that interest her, let her talk and act genuinely interested. Give her a chance to shine.

Don’t wait for your chance to jump in and talk about yourself.

Do ask her where she’s originally from. It’s an important piece of Intell: is she from a big city, or is she a small-town girl with small-town values?

Don’t try to guess what country a foreign woman is from. The chances of you guessing correctly on your first try are slim at best; the chances of you screwing it up are huge. In some cases, saying the wrong country might even insult her. If you’re curious, your best bet is to say “You have a striking look, where are your parents from?” Or, “Your accent is so cute. Where were you born?” (Asking this question also provides a gateway for you to segue into a conversation about travel.)

Do point out her positive qualities: “You know, Jennifer, I appreciate someone who’s as ambitious as you are.”

Don’t use generalities when you’re discussing men and women, i.e. “Women always get so jealous.” Establish yourself as a person who judges others on their individual qualities. This way, you can call her on it if she makes unfair generalizations about men.

Women have a tendency to bunch us all together, saying things like “all men are dogs” or “men are only interested in one thing.” This is when you separate yourself from the herd and establish your respect for individuality: “I can understand why you would say that, but I try to judge people on their own merits.”

This has a direct parallel to hostage negotiations. Hostage takers will frequently complain to the Negotiator how “cops” always give them a hard time, or how “cops” unfairly accuse of them of things because they’ve got a criminal record.

In response to this, the Negotiator separates himself from the “cop pack” in order to build one-on-one trust: “I can understand why you feel that way.

If I was in your position, I’d feel the same. But this is your first time talking to me. I’m not judging you.”

Do pay her original compliments, on an article of clothing or a piece of jewelry she is wearing.

Don’t compliment her on her body, not even in a general sense (i.e. “I can tell you must work out.”) Drawing attention to her body is either going to sound overtly sexual, or it’s going to make her feel self-conscious. Wait until you’ve been intimate with her to comment on her more intimate aspects.

Finally, a few major “don’ts”:

Don’t brag about your sexual prowess, not even in jest. Don’t mention how good you are in bed, how well endowed you are, or how long your tongue is. Flirtatious sexual talk can be cool once you’ve gotten to know her. Coming from a stranger, the only future she’s going to imagine with a guy like that involves a restraining order.

Don’t make jokes about how you’re not a psycho; they only turn her thoughts towards negative possibilities. A classic example is the guy offering a girl a ride home and telling her, “Don’t worry, I’m not an axe murderer.” We actually heard one guy say, while asking a girl out on a date, “I promise I won’t kill you and dump your body in the woods.” Needless to say, she wasn’t available that weekend or any weekend for the rest of her life.

Don’t tell her she looks like a celebrity. Women are very particular about how they want men to perceive them. There is a chance she won’t flattered by the comparison and will get the wrong idea. Avoid celebrity comparisons.

Also, if she really does bear a striking resemblance to a celebrity, you can bet this is something she hears on a regular basis and she’s sick of it. Women want to be appreciated as individuals, not because they remind you of someone else.

Don’t mention your ex, not even in the context of an innocent comment (i.e. “You were in Vegas recently? Me and my ex went there once on vacation.”) It makes you sound like you haven’t been able to let go of her. More importantly, you want this girl to focus on what a future with you would be like. Exes have no place in the present conversation.

Don’t complain. Even if you’re doing it in a humorous context, don’t complain about your boss, the jackass you had to deal with at work, how boring this party is, etc. Stay positive. If you’ve got a sarcastic sense of humor, dial it down. Remember the Mack Commandment: wherever you’re at, right now, is the place to be.