1 Interviewer: Dean, how do you overcome the fear of rejection?
Dean Cortez: The best way to overcome this anxiety about getting rejected is to start taking a lot of what I call “batting practice.” And batting practice means talking to new women and constantly meeting new girls. It’s a part of your lifestyle. You’re not saving up your approaches for Saturday night when you’re at the bar and you see that one really hot girl you want to talk to. The guys who are really good with girls are meeting new women and expanding their social circles on a daily basis. For instance, if I’m eating breakfast at a coffee shop, I’m going to mack on my waitress. I don’t care if she is 45 years old and I would never want to sleep with her. I still want to take a few minutes to get to know her name, a few things about her and put a smile on her face. I try to charm every woman who I come into contact with. So it’s a mental adjustment and a lifestyle adjustment because you want to believe in your own mind that you are a guy whom women love to interact with.
Now, when you’re constantly talking to new women and getting positive responses, it reinforces your confidence. And then when you see that girl you do want to sleep with or ask out or whatever, talking to her is just a part of your natural routine. It’s not this anxiety-inducing event that it is for most guys. I’m not talking about hitting on girls constantly. I’m just saying have short friendly interactions for a few minutes. Get to know her name. Pay her a quick compliment, wish her a good day, and then go on your way. Make that a part of your new routine and it’s amazing how comfortable you get talking to new women.
Now, the other part of overcoming rejection in this whole fear thing is how you frame it in your own mind. And it all comes down to having a scarcity mentality or having an abundance mentality. I would say that more than 90% of men go through their lives with this terrible scarcity mentality: “Oh my God, that chick is so hot. I may never get another chance. I’ve got to figure out something to say. You know, I don’t want to blow this.” Or they start dating a girl and they desperately try to cling to that girl because they’re so afraid of losing her. And of course, they do lose her because women can smell this weakness and neediness all over the guy like cheap cologne.
So stop looking at it in terms of either this girl is going to accept you or she’s going to reject you. You’ve got to flip the script. When you talk to women, what you’re essentially doing is you’re giving them the chance to demonstrate why they deserve a spot on your team. Women are going to want to be a part of your world and your lifestyle. You’ve got to stop trying to squeeze yourself into their lifestyle and win them over.
So when I talk to a girl, I’m thinking of it in these terms. I’m thinking, “This girl is either going to be cool or she’s going to demonstrate to me why she’s worthy of my time and attention or else she’s going to show to me that she’s lame and not worth my time and I’ll move on.” So I don’t look at it in terms of, “Is this girl going to like me? Is she going to accept me?” I look at it in terms of, “Here’s her opportunity to show me why she deserves a spot on my team and if for whatever reason she’s not in the mood to talk to me at that time or she has other stuff going on, you know, it’s her loss.” I move on. I maintain an abundance mentality because once you’ve gotten good at this stuff and you learn these techniques, you begin to realize that the world out there is one of voluminous opportunities.
So if you are single right now, don’t be stressed out about it: celebrate that fact. Think about how many friends of yours right now have already cashed in their chips and gotten locked down in bad relationships with women who don’t appreciate them. If you’re a single guy and you’re learning this stuff and you’re committed to it, I commend you because you have so many opportunities out in front of you right now that a lot of your friends will never have. So start taking batting practice on a daily basis, okay?
Make it your goal every day to put a smile on the face of at least three women. Whether you get their phone numbers or if you never see them again is beside the point. Put a smile on the faces of three women. The second part is to reframe your mental attitude. Think in terms of abundance and not scarcity, and see this as giving women a chance to meet somebody really cool and to share in your exciting lifestyle. Stop worrying about fitting into theirs.
2 Interviewer: What is the easiest and quickest way to develop self confidence?
Dean Cortez: The fastest shortcut to developing self-confidence is to start achieving some small victories. It’s like a snowball rolling down a hill, and as it keeps rolling, it keeps gathering more snow, it keeps gathering more momentum. Like self-confidence, you’ve got to realize it’s not something that some guys are born with and the rest of us will never possess. Really it’s within all of us. We’re born as men. We’ve got an alpha male side to us. But for a lot of guys, it’s been deeply buried because over the years, all those failures we have with women and all those insecurities we’ve built up in our own heads and all the limiting beliefs we started to develop — all that stuff just suppresses our self-confidence.
Well, the best way to unleash it is to start batting practice. Start notching up those small victories. Once you become confident in the fact that you can talk to women, you can put smiles on their faces, get to know them and then go on your way without ever being needy or exuding desperation, then those small victories lead to larger ones. So it happens in increments. Self-confidence isn’t achieved overnight. It also helps tremendously to have a game plan for when you go into conversations with women. Don’t just wing it. That’s why guys run out of steam and the awkward silences happen and the guys wind up getting blown off.
When you’ve got some solid techniques and some material to talk to girls about, the conversations will flow much easier and you will gain confidence as a result. So with a lot of guys, they’re always saying, “Well, I don’t know what to talk to girls about. You know, I don’t know what to say to girls.” Well, all you need to do is get a pen and a pad of paper or fire up your word processor on your computer and make a list of your five most positive qualities. These could be interests of yours. They could be talents. They could be goals that you’re working towards.
Now in your next conversation with a woman, make it a point to sort of touch on a few of those areas and to get her to share on those topics as well. What is she into? What is she passionate about? What is she working towards? And in my book “Mack Tactics” I also have chapters on techniques like cold reads and hypotheticals. These are techniques that you can use to sort of turbo-charge the conversations that you have with girls. You never want to enter into a new conversation and do the whole job interview routine: What is your name? Where are you from? Have you been here before? You want to enter into the conversation and control it. Control the interaction and guide the flow of the conversation. You want to be the one leading the whole interaction, asking her questions and then responding.
I don’t know if there is space here to lay out all these techniques, but the bottom line is you want to learn some of this stuff. You want to have material. You want to have some interesting stories to tell. The better equipped you are to talk to women, the more success you’ll have and as you experienced more success and the conversations get longer and deeper and you start getting phone numbers and getting dates as a result of these conversations, your self-confidence is going to grow in steady increments. So when it comes to self-confidence, there is no magic bullet. There is no easy fix. However, just keep in mind that any guy can develop his self-confidence through applying this stuff. Confidence basically is a muscle that every man is born with, but a lot of guys don’t exercise that muscle for many years and it atrophies. It gets weak. So the more you exercise this muscle and build it up through conversations and through positive interactions, the more confident you become.
And one last thing: don’t think for a second that you don’t have this in you. I have taught guys who were crippled by shyness and insecurity. They could barely talk to a dude, let alone a beautiful girl, but through learning these techniques, applying them, looking at it in terms of small steps, these guys eventually went up making major breakthroughs. Then they looked back to where they were in their life a year ago and said, “I can’t believe that I was so freaking afraid to talk to girls because it’s not that a big deal, it’s actually fun.”
3 Interviewer: What do you tell a student who feels that he is physically unattractive to girls?
Dean Cortez: First off, I do need to say for the record that when gurus out there say, “Looks and money don’t matter” — that’s sort of bullshit. Is a guy who is 6’2 and has chiseled abs and looks like a young Brad Pitt, is he going to have somewhat of an advantage over the guy who is 5 ‘4 and going bald? Of course, he will have a built-in natural advantage, but that’s all it really is. It’s something that works in his favor the same way that having a sense of humor works in your favor. Or being an ambitious guy works in your favor, or being a really good conversationalist works in your favor. So there are all kinds of ways for you to even yourself up with the guys who maybe are more conventionally handsome than you are. What you’ve really got to be is well groomed. That’s the most important thing.
If you’re well groomed and you’re wearing clothes that fit and look good on you, you pretty much got the looks department covered because here is the thing you’ve got to remember, and it’s a very encouraging motivational thing to remember, is that the attraction mechanisms of men and women work totally differently. Women are wired to look for certain qualities in a man that we don’t look for in women. I mean, we’re pretty simple creatures. We are wired to look for a woman that we want to mate with. We are judging women in terms of their youth, health and fertility. The signals say to our male primal brains, “This is a woman that could bear our seed and give birth to healthy children for us.” So when you see some hot blond who is 22 years old with a fantastic pair of tits and a great body, you know she’s a hot chick, but on an animal, primal level what our brains are really telling is that, “This is a woman that we should mate with.”
She may turn out to be dumber than a box of rocks and totally boring, but we are going to make our move on that girl and want her because of her physical appearance. It’s that simple, and that’s why women spend so much time and so much money dolling themselves up and looking in a way that attracts men. That’s why make-up was invented. That’s why the cosmetics surgery industry was invented. It’s all about attracting men because women know the signals they need to give off.
Now, on the other hand, women are looking at men in terms of other characteristics. They judge a man by his social status, by his value and by whether he is a guy who can provide them with a stable and secure environment in which to have their kids. Now, again, this is all happening on the sort of subconscious level. Women don’t see you standing there at the bar and think “Well, that’s a guy who should knock me up. I should have kids with that guy because he’s a stable-looking individual.” But their female brains are going to screen you when you start talking to them to look for indicators of your status, your value and your stability. Now, you probably equate these characteristics with having money. You probably think, “Well, the hot chicks want to know that you’re rich before they’ll be interested.”
But this is not true. And in fact, the funny thing is you do see guys who are not very good-looking, but have some super hot babe on his arm. As guys, we often think, “Well, you know, she’s a gold-digger obviously. You know, she would never be into him otherwise.” But the truth of the matter is that most guys who I know who are very financially successful have core qualities. They’re leaders. They have social status. They’re extremely confident. They’re ambitious. Those are the qualities that women are drawn towards like a magnet. And these are qualities that any guy can project, no matter how much money you make or how much money you don’t make. Projecting social status can be as simple as having social proof in the environment. If there are certain bars or even coffee shops or night clubs or restaurants where you hang out on a regular basis, there is no excuse for you not to know the bartender. You should know some of the waitresses, especially the pretty ones, on a first name basis and be friendly with them. You should know the manager, perhaps. So when you go to these environments, you’re being welcomed. You’re being well received. Women are noticing this. You are a guy who has some sort of status and cache in that environment.
Now as far as showing value to women, really it can be as simple as them having fun. Fun is such an overlooked part of the whole attraction process. If you can make a woman have more fun than she was having five minutes ago, she’s going to want to keep talking to you and she’ll be willing to go along and follow your lead tonight. So always make it a point to inject fun into the conversation. I’ve known lots of guys who were 6’2 and had Hollywood movie star looks, but these guys were just so damn boring. Women didn’t have fun around them, and that’s the ultimate difference between the guy who is good with women and the guy who will always struggle.
And as far as the third factor of being a guy who women can feel secure with and a guy who they can imagine having a stable future with, it is as simple as being emotionally strong. When guys are needy, when guys are try-hards, and really trying to impress the woman and say the right things, these are guys who radiate weakness. Women don’t want a wishy-washy guy. They want a guy who is not afraid to make decisions and lead the interaction. Women are highly emotional creatures. They always have dramas going on in their minds. They’re emotionally all over the place. They’re emotional roller-coasters and they really want to feel they’re with a man who can be sort of the rock that their emotional waves are going to crash against. She wants you to be that rock that stands firm and can calm her down in her times of emotional crisis.
That is the stuff you’re going to do once you’re in a relationship, but even in that first five minutes of the conversation. There are ways for you to demonstrate that you are an emotionally secure guy who has a good head on your shoulders and you’re not seeking validation from women. A lot of this comes down to knowing how to control the conversation and what topics to guide it onto. It goes back to what I said earlier as far as maintaining that mindset that this conversation is her opportunity to demonstrate to you why she is cool enough or fun enough or sexy enough to hang on your team, instead of the other way around. And of course, a lot of techniques come into play here, such as qualification, using push-pull, and using teases. These are all conversational tactics that I always use to frame myself as the one controlling the interaction. I’m the leader and she’s going to follow my lead, and women find that very attractive.
4 Interviewer: How can “nice guys” compete with “bad boys” without having to act like jerks?
Dean Cortez: Often time’s nice guys are the ones who have biggest agendas. The reason why they’re being so nice and trying to be a girl’s friend and trying to be the harmless buddy is because they want to fuck the girl the same as any other guy wants to fuck the girl. But the nice guy tries to go about it in sort of a roundabout way. He tries to fool the girl into thinking that he’s just her friend. He doesn’t have any other intentions and he’s hoping that, at some point, she’ll realize this guy is the right guy for her to be dating. It never works out that way. While the nice guy is being the sympathetic listener and being her shoulder to cry on, she’s going on and banging the bad boys. We’ve all been in that situation and it sucks.
None of us want to be creeps, none of in this community teach guys how to manipulate women or how to abuse them and take advantage of them, but what you want to be is a good guy, a guy with a solid character and integrity, but a guy who has a bit of a bad boy edge. And by a bad boy edge, a guy who is independent, who is opinionated, who makes decisions and who has a full exciting lifestyle going on with or without women. I have a whole program actually called “The Bad Boy Blueprint” that really breaks this down and shows guys how to integrate this bad boy edge into their whole game. But one thing to remember here is that bad boys also are not afraid to sexualize the conversation. There is no mistaking when a bad boy is talking to a girl that he is attracted to, he is letting her know, he’s giving off signals and he’s saying that he is flirting.
It’s important to flirt with women. You can’t always be the harmless buddy. You’ve got to sexualize the conversation, and this all about knowing how to escalate both physically and verbally. When you see a guy at a bar who is really good with women, a guy who has really strong game, after five or ten minutes of talking to that girl, there is no mistaking the fact that he is trying to sleep with her. And he’s getting her in a playful, fun and flirtatious mood. He is picking her up. And if he is doing his job correctly, then she loves every minute of it, because women go out to be picked up. The problem is that so few guys understand how to flip a woman’s attraction switches and have her stay out of that that silly friend zone and sexualize the interaction and take it towards the result that both of them want, which is sex, fun, good times, and maybe a relationship.
5 Interviewer: What do you do, or teach your students to do, to get into the mindset to go out, have fun, and meet women?
Dean Cortez: Well, first off, when you look good, you’re going to feel good. If you’ve been wearing the same clothes, if you’ve been wearing the same hairstyle ever since college or ever since high school, it’s time to change things up. Go to an upscale men’s clothing store, talk to some of the salesgirls, tell them that you’ve decided you’re going to upgrade your look and change up your wardrobe, and get their suggestions. Let them pick out some stuff for you. It sounds simple, but it’s really so important that your look is on point and you are feeling good about what you’re wearing and the energy you are giving off.
You want to learn some of these techniques, get some solid material, recruit one or two of your friends and discuss this stuff with them. Turn these guys into your wingmen and go out and have fun. Maintain that abundance mentality. Maintain the mentality, “These girls are there to be seduced. It’s just a matter of the right guy coming along and pushing their buttons the right way.” And also, don’t define a successful evening only in terms of how many girls you picked up or how many phone numbers you get.
The bottom line really is to go out and be social. Don’t get yourself all worked up and anxious, thinking, “You know, I’ve got to get laid tonight.” No, your main objective is to be social and to bring some fun into other people’s evenings tonight, and also make sure to take batting practice.
I’m being social and I’m staying warmed up at all times, so when that hot chick walks by, it is a totally natural step for me to slide over to her and to engage her in a conversation and to bring her into the fun that I’m having.
6 Interviewer: How does a guy build his social life and circle of friends quickly so that meeting girls is easier and more fun?
Dean Cortez: Batting practice comes into play here, but let me throw out one more concept that is really important and that really works for me, and that is get to know the gatekeepers. Now, you may have noticed that when you go out and you see girls interacting in the bars and the clubs, usually you’ll see that the hot girls are accompanied by a frumpy friend. There is at least one girl in their crew who is not nearly as good looking as the hot girl. Hot girls must do this on purpose and actually like the ego boost of getting all the attention because they are more attractive than the girls they are with, so that’s the girl that you want to get to know. It’s so effective.
You want to get to know the girl who is not the hot one of the crew. She’s oftentimes the gatekeeper. A lot of times, the frumpy girl is the one who sort of the queen bee of the group socially and sort of arranges the get-togethers. She’s got a good personality and next thing you know, she’s inviting me to come and hang out with them next weekend or to come and meet her friends, and I show up to meet them and there is going to be one stunner in that group, and now the gatekeeper is introducing me to the hot friend of hers and vouching for me, and it so easy, I’m already in the door with her.
By the way, this gatekeeper stuff is so true with Asian girls. I actually wrote a whole program about ‘How to Seduce Asian Women’ and I love Asian girls and the thing is that you will always see frumpy gatekeepers that are the social leaders of their crew of Asian women, and they’re the ones that can grant you access to their really hot friends, and they’re happy to do so. If you charm them, they want to introduce you to their friends and get you to know them and hook you up. So to answer your question, it boils down to three factors, batting practice, gatekeepers and also as I said earlier, meeting other men in the environments where you hang out. Guys will obviously have some social value. It could be a couple of cool guys who are just there hanging out or it could be a bartender, a doorman, a DJ, or a manager. Get to know the guys too.
And if you ever want to start a conversation with another dude, just talk about women. Just say to the guy, “Hey man, what’s going on? You know, there are so many cute girls here tonight? You know, so what do you think? Who do you have your eye on?”
He might tell me about some party tomorrow night that I end up going to and banging some chick. You never know. Always be expanding your social circle of men and women.
7 Interviewer: Every guy knows that hanging with hot female friends helps you meet more girls. How do you bring more hot female “friends” into your social circle?
Dean Cortez: The ultimate form of social proof, short of walking into the bar accompanied by Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt, is rolling in accompanied by one or two hot female friends. Now, I do this, and I have a lot of hot female friends, because I’ve been at this a long time and I know a lot of hot girls. A lot of these girls I have slept with. We’ve had short flings and relationships and maybe we dated for a while, but I always maintain those relationships and I never burn those bridges because these are girls who obviously give me a huge boost when I go out with them to meet new girls.
When there is a good looking woman I’m not attracted to, I let them know pretty quickly off the bat that I’m not trying to sleep with them. I’ll tell them, “You know, Cindy, it is your lucky night because I happen to be the world’s best wingman. I am like a master class wingman and tonight, we’re going to find you a really cool guy. What do you think?” And she loves that idea. She’s having a great time now, and throughout the evening, I will introduce her to guys and we’ll have a lot of fun with it.
Now, that girl, from that point on, is going to think I’m the coolest fucking dude she’s ever met and when I call her up next week and hang out again, she’ll come out in a heartbeat and she’ll bring her hot friends with her.
And when you have this attitude, it’s easy to cultivate female friends when you go out. Again, it all comes down to making they have more fun hanging out with you than they were five minutes ago.
One of the keys to always having women rolling with you is to be the man with the plan. You want to call these girls up on a Friday night and say, “Listen, you have got to come with me to this new bar I found. It is so awesome. The DJ is off the hook, or the bartender makes the best Margaritas, or this place has the best happy hour in town.” You want to enroll them in your exciting plan. You never want to call your female friends on a Friday or have them call you, and say, “So what are you in the mood to do, or where should we go?” You always want to be the man with the plan, and when you bring them out to a place that you suggest and you all have a good time, they are going to be down to accompany you anytime you want to go out from then on.
8 Interviewer: Do you still get approach anxiety and how do you get rid of or manage it?
Dean Cortez: I used to have really bad approach anxiety and through a lot of work and through having a lot of success, I was able to get past it.
In my approach and my conversations, in my own mind, it’s about finding some cool chicks to hang out with tonight and to show them a good time, instead of me standing around in the bar thinking, “Well, I hope I can find a girl to talk to who will accept me for who I am.”
It’s about my inner game, my mentality; it’s not about trying to find the girl to talk to who will want to talk to me. It’s about, “You know, I’m out tonight on a mission to have a blast, and you know, I’m going to find the right girl or the right group of girls to roll with me and have fun with me.” And when you have that attitude and you’re being really social and you’re being fun, you are not going to have a problem finding cool girls who want to jump on board on your train and take a ride.
9 Interviewer: Do you have an opener or two that works in most situations?
Dean Cortez: I have so many approaches. I’m coming up with new ones constantly. I actually have a whole book on approaches for all situations called “The Ultimate Approach” and if you go to my site at www.macktactics.com, and get on my VIP mailing list, then I will send you a ton of information on approaching women that you are going to really love. Now, a lot of the approaches that I use are dependent on the environment, but I have a few old standbys that always seem to work.
One of them is just the compliment opener. It’s noticing a detail or appearance like her handbag or her shoes or her jeans or maybe her earrings or her bracelet, or some little detail or accessory that most guys wouldn’t even notice, and I’ll say, “You know, I just have to tell you. That looks so cute on you or that looks so good on you.”
You’re complimenting her not on her looks or her body, but on her sense of style. Women all love to be appreciated for their sense of style in fashion.
You can open a girl by saying pretty much anything. You could actually walk up to a girl in a bar and use the cheesiest pick-up line ever, but then you could say, “I’m sorry, that was such an obvious pick-up line. But what I really want to say to you was…” And then bridge into the conversation, okay? So the point is, you’ve got to have a conversational topic lined up. The opener is just a way for you to break the ice and get towards that topic. What I want to do is I want to move the conversation towards deeper topics and territory where I’m getting her to share things about herself and reveal things that most guys don’t know about her. So really that opening icebreaker is just a vehicle for me to bridge into the conversation, which I will then control.
So don’t stress out about the openers so much. It’s really about what you follow it up with and how you take the cues. When she says things, you’re going to seize upon those cues and then lead the conversation towards other areas, so that it becomes more and more deep and interesting and cool.
Now, in my book “Mack Tactics,” I have a whole chapter on this, on conversation control, so basically when you enter into conversations, you have a whole game plan already in mind. You’re going to open with this, which will allow you to transition to this, and then based off of that, you will go to this topic.
10 Interviewer: How would you approach a woman during the day (Coffee shop, street, etc)?
Dean Cortez: This is a really important question because getting confident and comfortable with approaching girls during the daytime is one of the most important weapons you can have in your arsenal. I mean, if you’re only approaching girls when you’re out on a bar or some clubs or when you’re out drinking, you are letting so much golden opportunities pass you by. And it’s oftentimes a lot easier to talk to a girl during the daytime because her shield isn’t up.
During the daytime, the approaches that I use are really simple, and again, it goes back to what I said earlier as far as the approach is not that big an issue, what counts is what you say next. So during the daytime, one of the best ways to break the ice and start a conversation is to ask for directions. It may sound totally cliché, but do you know what? As long as you follow it up right, it will work.
Then I can simply go to my routine where I notice a detail of her appearance, tell I’m going to shop for a gift for a friend, ask for some advice on where to buy the gift, and then I’ll talk to her for her a few minutes and I will do my phone number close. The phone number close is explained in the Mack Tactics book. It has a 99% success rate because it is so smooth, so I can’t give away the whole farm here in this interview because we’re running short on time already.
Now, if she’s in a coffee shop or in a bookstore, I simply notice the book she’s reading and I open her based on that, or it could be her cell phone. Women are constantly texting on their phones and talking on their phones, and I might say to her, “You know, that’s a really cool looking phone. What model is that? I need to buy a new one and I’m trying to figure out which one to buy.” And I’ll ask her, “Does it play MP3s, does it take good pictures and so forth.” And I will use that topic to bridge into other areas, and I cover this all in a conversation control chapter of my Mack Tactics book.
11 Interviewer: When approaching girls in a bar or club, what do you typically say to open the conversation? Is approaching a group any different?
Dean Cortez: When approaching girls in a bar or a club, the operative word to remember is fun. If you can get these girls to have more fun talking to you than they were having a few minutes ago, you are golden.
If it’s a group of girls, I’ll walk over to them and I’ll say, “This group right here, you guys, this is where the party is at tonight. I can tell. I’m just curious, which one of you guys is the ringleader?” Because every cool girls has the ringleader and she’s the one who is like the bad girl and the other girls may not want to go out tonight, but the ringleader always pulls them in and makes them to go out and party. And I’ll point to one of the girls and say, “It’s you, isn’t it? You’re the ringleader? Am I right?” Now, what I do here is I actually point to the one girl in the group that is obviously not the ringleader. It’s like the quiet girl sitting on the end, and so when I say this, all of her friends start laughing. And now, we’re engaged in this whole conversation and we’re raising the energy level. Now, at the same time, I’m using a tactic here which is called labeling, which I will discuss more in a moment. But what I’m doing is I’m labeling this group of girls as the fun crew, like they’re the funniest crew in the whole club. Now, when I label them this way, they don’t want to see me lame. They don’t want to do anything to sort of discourage my opinion of them. They want to be the fun group.
Now, when I approach a group, there is always going to be one girl in that group that I have my eye on, my target for the evening, but I will never make it obvious. I will always spread my attention around equally or actually ignore the girl that I like until later on. Once the group has totally accepted and I’m sitting with them having a drink, having a great time, that’s when I will start subtly making my move and shifting my attention towards the girl that I want to bang tonight.
12 Interviewer: What do you do if you are not well received by the girl or group at first?
Dean Cortez: The answer to this is to have patience, be persistent. Many times, I have met women at bars and clubs or groups of girls, and at first, they were very standoffish. They were sort of doing their own thing and didn’t want to be bothered, but as the night wore on, they loosened up because they’re having some drinks. When I approach them again to see how they were doing, they were like, “Hey Dean, you know, where have you been? How are you?” They’re totally receptive. So if you’re at a bar or a club and you are sort of planting your flag here for the whole evening, spread positive energy, approach girls and talk to girls. If they’re not into it right then, wish them a fun evening, demonstrate total charm and confidence and excuse yourself, because you know what? And an hour later or three hours later, you might see her again and she’ll be in a totally different mindset. She’s there for a while now and she has realized that most of the guys there are lame and boring and you’re a fun and cool guy, and now she’s down to have fun with you.
I will also add on this topic, if the girl mentions she has a boyfriend, that doesn’t necessarily mean that your chances are all fucked. I mean, in a lot of cases, your chances are actually very good. What she’s doing is she’s mentioning her boyfriend to sort of clear her own conscience. She likes you. She wants to go home with you perhaps, but she’s mentioning the boyfriend just to get it out there, okay? So that she’s doing her part for her own conscience, and then if you wind up bringing her home, she can tell herself the next day, “Well, you know, I said that I have a boyfriend, but he had seduced me anyway and things just sort of happened. It wasn’t my fault.” With women, giving them plausible deniability is really important sometimes.