When it comes to conversing with women, the average guy thinks that HE should be doing most of the talking. As long as he can keep talking and telling a woman things, he figures he’s building a connection and things are moving in the right direction.

But successful conversation has nothing to do with how much you say, or how much you tell her about yourself. It has everything to do with how much she values what you are saying.  When you frame yourself as “high status,” your words, questions and statements are going to carry much more weight.

I like to use Simon Cowell as an example. I’m talking, of course, about the most popular of the judges on American Idol. (I’ll admit that I love the show I find it fascinating not because of the music, but because of all of the personalities and the dramas.)

In my opinion, the show was at its best when they had the original lineup of three judges: Randy Jackson, Paula Adbul, and Simon Cowell.

After a contestant performed their song, Randy Jackson was the first judge to give his verdict. He’s a jovial, big-hearted guy who doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings too badly. If the contestant sucked (as they often do), Randy will wince and squirm and try to “cushion” his criticism…

“Y’know, dawg…I dunno, tonight just wasn’t your night…you were off the hook last week, but this week (wince, shoulder shrug)…I dunno, dawg, it was…a little bit pitchy. I just wasn’t feelin’ it. But keep doing yo’ thing, dawg.”

Next up was judge Paula Abdul, the most popular airhead on prime-time television. Even after the most off-key, eardrum-splitting performance, she’d find a way to phrase her response in the positive. She’d blather on about how the contestant has such wonderful “enthusiasm,” or “energy,” or how the contestant “looked amazing tonight”…and then after rambling aimlessly for a couple of minutes, she’d come around to mentioning that “maybe tonight wasn’t your best night…I think you could have picked a better song.”

The whole time Randy and Paula were talking, everyone was anticipating the one verdict that really mattered: Judge #3 (and he’s the last judge to go, for a reason)—Simon Cowell.

Simon doesn’t pull any punches. He is the Judge Everyone Loves To Hate because he says exactly what anyone with any clue about musical ability wants to say.

If the contestant sucked, he tells them so in his blunt, authoritative British way. He uses words like “horrendous,” “unbelievably terrible,” and “absolutely awful.” The audience boos, but there is never any question that Simon’s verdict is the one that matters—because he is speaking totally honestly. (And, 99% of the time, he is totally correct.)

But when a contestant rises to the occasion, and delivers one of those kick-ass performances that is going to get 200,000 views on YouTube, Simon praises them. And this praise causes the audience to rise to its feet and go friggin’ nuts. Because Simon’s words carry that kind of power.

This is how you want to frame your interactions with women. Don’t be easy to impress. Don’t be quick to say “wow, that’s awesome” or “that’s so cool” or “yeah, I totally agree, you are so right.” Instead, challenge her to explain why she feels that way. If

You will never feel like you’re on the “hot seat” during a conversation, hoping that you are answering HER questions the right way. Instead, you will playfully DEFLECT her questions and put the spotlight back on her—so that she is the one who feels

Remember, you must cultivate the right presence when you are around women, with the same level of care as women style themselves when they want to attract a man. You want her to get the sense that you are a man with high social status.

Final Checklist When Approaching Women

Before you head out to put these high-powered tactics into action, make sure you’ve got these bases covered:

Take an extra-long hot shower. Use shampoo and body wash to clean every inch of your body. You might be getting intimate with a woman later. Be ready!

Spray on some nice-smelling cologne.

Brush your teeth and floss.

Style your hair.

Groom your eyebrows and make sure to trim any unsightly hair (i.e. in your ears and nostrils).

Dress well. “Stylishly casual” is a look that always works: a cool pair of jeans, trendy sneakers or shoes, and a cool tee-shirt or button-down. If you carry some extra weight, wear a loose-fitting shirt to downplay it.

Tidy up your place. Make sure the bathroom is especially clean. Always have a couple of bottles of wine (red and white) ready to entertain female company later. Again, this is about you feeling ready and prepared for whatever happens tonight when you are out meeting women.

Get ready to have fun. You’re going to bring playful, fun, positive energy into the lives of all women that you meet tonight. And maybe if one of them is lucky, she’ll become a part of your world and enjoy a lot of cool new experiences.

“Rejection” is a thing of the past. Any girl that doesn’t want to hop onboard YOUR train is missing out on the ride of her life.