Before we jump into the specifics of approach, let’s see where you measure up on the Approacher Scale. My friend, the highly respected dating coach Carlos Xuma, says there are five different levels of Approachers. See which level would describe you, and this will help you to determine which areas you need to work on the most.

Phase One: This Approacher is extremely uncomfortable around women. He gets so nervous that he actually gives off physical signs: sweaty palms, stammering speech, fidgeting, etc.

If you fall under this category, you’re going to need to work on your self-confidence before you start learning the technical aspects of approaches.

An excellent program I recommend for developing powerful self-confidence is Secrets Of The Alpha Man by Carlos Xuma. Give it a look.

For the time being, the Phase One guy should avoid doing “cold approaches,” which means trying to approach women who are complete strangers.

Use the material in this article to start with “warm approaches,” which means initiating conversations with people who are in your extended social circle, such as friends-of-friends that you meet at parties, at the workplace, or at other events. Your confidence is on shaky ground right now, and doing cold approaches and getting ignored or shot down will only do more harm to your self-esteem. Take it easy on yourself. Go slow, but keep moving forward with your development, which this article will show you how to do.

Phase Two: This guy still feels quite a bit of anxiety and uncertainty when he considers walking up and talking to a woman, but sometimes he will take action. If he’s sucking down drinks at a bar or a nightclub, this is where he’ll typically be willing to take action the problem is, his skills are weak and he rarely succeeds. He can sometimes walk up to a girl and introduce himself, but the conversations typically don’t go anywhere because he doesn’t know how to move things forward.

This is a key point that I will keep hammering on throughout this article: no “opening line” is going to be successful unless you can use it to transition into an effective conversation.

Phase Three: This type of Approacher is fairly comfortable talking to women, but he needs more guidance and technical ability. He’s okay with walking up to a girl and initiating a conversation, but he eventually “runs out of steam” and finds himself struggling to maintain the conversation or take it anywhere interesting. This is when a woman will often say to him, “um, it was nice to meet you, but I’ve got to go find my friend…” (or make up some other excuse to get rid of him).

Phase Four: This Approacher has pretty solid game. He’s probably studied some pickup material, and he will not hesitate to approach “convenient targets” (such as, women who are standing near him in a bar or at a party). As a result, he gets laid on a fairly regular basis, but the danger here is that Phase Four Approachers will often get complacent. They don’t push themselves beyond their comfort zone. They have occasional success picking up fairly attractive women, but they’re still not comfortable approaching “9s” and “10s” the extremely hot chicks that most guys don’t even bother to try to talk to.

The comfort zone is your enemy with beautiful women, and with your overall approach towards life.

Phase Five: This is the level you should aspire to. This type of Approacher feels no fear, because the word “rejection” is not a part of his vocabulary. He believes that when he approaches a hot woman, he’s actually giving her the opportunity to be a part of his fun, exciting world. He knows he can teach women new things, show them new places, introduce them to cool people, and it would be her loss if she doesn’t get to know him.

The Phase Five Approacher will “cold approach” women in any situation, whether it’s the hottest girl at the gym, or a sales woman at the department store. His batting average with women is so high that he figures, why not approach? It’s either going to her loss, or else she’ll have the good fortune to become a part of his world. Look up the word “confidence” in the dictionary, and this guy’s picture ought to be next to it.

Now I want to explain some concepts that are essential to understand before you begin to master your “approach game.” Come back for my next article.