The key is to call her with a purpose. If your goal is to set up a date, have a plan mapped out before you pick up the phone. When you met her, you should have learned what her schedule is like. Does she work nights? Is she free on the weekends? Does she enjoy going out for drinks or coffee at a particular place? Is she a night owl, or does she prefer daytime activities?
If you applied proper Conversation Control, you already know the answers to these questions before you make the phone call. You’re now going to chat, get to know her a little more, and then suggest a time and a place to get together that should work for her.
If she doesn’t answer, never hang up. Always leave a message. Assume she has caller ID; you don’t want it to look like you chickened out. Then, when you leave the message, sound energized and confident: “Hi Michelle, this is John, we met a couple of nights ago. I’m going to a couple of interesting things later in the week that I wanted to let you know about.”
What are the “interesting things” you are referring to? It’s the place, or places, that you were planning on inviting her to for your first date. (We’ll explain in a moment why it’s important to extend invitations, rather than asking her out in the conventional way.)
If she answers, view this first phone conversation with her as a “mini date.” You’re not calling her to engage in random chit-chat. You are executing a plan.
Never ask “Am I catching you at a bad time?” or “Can you talk?” This sounds nervous and apologetic. Play it like you know she’s been waiting for your call. If it’s not a good time for her to talk, she’ll tell you.
Keep the conversation light. Ask her simple questions that prompt her total: “How’s your day been going?” Keep your responses brief and don’t volunteer any information about yourself that she doesn’t already know. Wait until you see her again to get more in-depth.
Another hostage negotiation technique to use in this scenario: the Negotiator will remind the hostage taker of things he said in order to show that he was listening.
This strengthens their bond. (“I remember you mentioned you had a daughter. How old is she?” or “I remember you said you were hungry. I can see about helping you with that.”
On the phone with her, you can say “I remember you said you worked at the mall. Was it busy today?” or “You mentioned you were looking for an apartment. Have you made any progress with that?” It’s a way to keep the conversation flowing, while showing that you were listening to the things she said. Most guys have a terrible memory when it comes to these little details.
After chatting for a short period (five minutes or less), it’s time to arrange plans with her. You’re going to use the Intell you have gathered to suggest a specific time and place to meet. This will be an invitation to join you for an activity that you already had “planned.”
Wack Tactic: “So maybe one of these nights when you’re not busy, we could do something.”
Wack Tactic: “If you don’t have plans Saturday night, I was thinking we could have dinner somewhere.”
Mack Tactic #1: “So Michelle, I remember you said you were off on Saturdays and you like Italian food. I’ve been meaning to check out this Italian restaurant I’ve heard great things about, why don’t we go together.”
Mack Tactic #2: “I’m going to check out this cool jazz cafe on Thursday night. I remember you said that’s your night off and you love jazz. Why don’t we go together.”
Notice the phrasing: you are planning to visit this spot with or without her. (It could be an art gallery, a café, a cocktail lounge wherever you want to take her.)
The message you’re sending is that you already have plans in motion and you’re extending an offer for her to join you.
This approach should give you complete confidence. If she declines for any reason, there’s no need for you to feel awkward; you were going to go anyway, right?
Something else to bear in mind: if you met her in a nightclub or at a party, any environment where it’s loud and the alcohol is flowing, you might not be certain this is a woman you want to take out on a date.
This phone chat is then a chance for you to feel her out a little more and make that determination.
If you weren’t able to gather certain bits of important Intell her schedule, her interests, etc. you can gain the answers during this phone call. Ideally, however, you should have gathered this Intell when you first met her.